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Showing posts from May, 2020

Level 1: Just the worst

Let me paint you a picture, you *plop* into the passenger's seat of a roofless jeep, your heartbeat racing the car you're in as the left turn you're hitting practically flips the car over. He pulls the car into the handicapped parking space in front of the shake shack, stealing it away from the elderly lady you're too pained to make eye contact with. You're about to yell at the guy on your right, you haven't even looked at him yet with all the craziness in the past fifteen seconds, but you go blank as you see a jawline that was chiseled out of granite staring back at you from over a sweaty jersey. "Let's go, I'm starving."He takes off his jersey and changes into a neat black t-shirt, lets his hair down, and before you realize you've gone all goo goo ga ga he's already calling at you from the door, "you coming or what?" You grab at a ghost handle finding nothing but an empty palm and start to think what else is missing from t...

Start Here!

Welcome to Failed First Dates, the game that takes you across the universe's infinite dimensions on a journey like no other as you catch up on all the dating-time you've missed out on. During this journey, you will find clues to help you escape these scenarios, lest you be stuck in a time loop sitting across from . . .  Once you collect all the clues, you will be able to piece together your portal gun which lets you move on to a new universe, one with (hopefully) better oral hygiene standards and a higher concentration of Bernard Sanders. Sadly your portal gun mathematics only let you go as far as jumping at random, but as you progress through the levels you will find clues to help you piece it back together and find yourself sitting across the table from the best date of your life, your mystery man: If you do not make it to your final date on time, your mystery man will be kidnapped by the evil space wizard Gnargnard the ALL POWERFUL, an evil being...